new year.

Photo 2016-01-03, 2 45 26 PM

For as long as I have been alive, I’ve never made a New Years Resolution. I guess I’ve never believed in the concept. People can’t magically change when they pin up a new calendar. Some people see the new year as a clean slate and in theory, that’s great but like, 2015 doesn’t disappear. You don’t get to start over, or become someone else when the clock strikes midnight. You’re still you, I’m still me, and we still have the same lives.

For 2016, instead of making unrealistic goals that I’m only going to stick to for about 3 weeks before falling back into old habits, I want to focus on developing areas of my life that I feel need improvement. I want to work on turning the human that I already am into the best possible version of myself, and get one step closer to my final form (10 points if you get that ridiculous reference).

  1. I want to be more consistent. I don’t want to go to the gym more often, I just want to go more regularly – none of this 4-times-in-one-week-then-skip-9-days bullshit. I want to post here often, and I want to post about things that I care about. I want to keep up with the things I start, and follow through.
  2. I want to become a morning person. This one feels really resolution-y, but I just really want to be one of those people who wakes up with the sun, brews a cup of tea and enjoys their morning. I’ve come a long way from the girl who woke up 20 minutes before her shift started and did her makeup in the back room after morning paperwork, but I could still do better. I genuinely envy people who have actual time to do real things in the morning –  personally, I’m lucky if I get to wear eyeshadow.
  3. I want to wear lipstick every day. I don’t know about you, but it’s hard for me to have a bad day when my mouth is hot pink.
  4. I want to become a “wine person”. Currently, my knowledge of wine consists of the 2 bottles I purchase every Friday. My ultimate goal in life is to be Jules from Cougar Town (…I joke… kind of), and I can’t be like Jules if I don’t have a handle on my wine situation.
  5. I want to drink more tea. It’s like sometimes I forget that tea exists. In the times that I remember, it’s like I’ve literally found joy in a cup and it is heavenly. I don’t know why I deprive myself of things that are so very lovely.
  6. I want to read more. I already read a lot but like… not enough. Again, this one does feel very much like a resolution, but I never want to be the person who can’t remember the last book they read. Whether it’s angsty teen fiction, an autobiography written by someone who clearly needed an ego boost, or something a little more challenging, I always want to be able to say I’m reading something.

To me, a new year does not equal a new slate or a “new me”. It doesn’t signal anything except another successful rotation around the sun. However, I do believe that people can improve themselves whenever they want, given the resolve to actually follow through. I just hope that this time, I have enough resolve.

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Personifying A Change

I’ve never shied away from change in my life. Whether it was something small, like the start of a new high school semester, or a big change like starting a new job in a brand new field, I’m always excited for a fresh start. I fall victim to the dullness of a day-to-day routine, and crave changes on any scale quite often.  Unfortunately, as somewhat of a “grown up”, you can’t change your career path every six months, or pack up and move to Chicago on a whim. So I find other ways to satisfy my thirst which can sometimes result in a mini wardrobe overhaul, downloading a ton of new music, or simply going for a drive and getting lost somewhere that I haven’t been before, just to do something different for an evening.  Most often, though, this craving for a change leads me to the hair care aisle of the nearest drugstore.

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This has been my hair journey from 2011 to today, and what a journey it’s been. I’m so thankful that the Era of Selfies is upon us, so that I could document the ever changing rainbow atop my head. Sometimes I feel like with each different hair color, I’ve been a different person. I know that’s not true, but like I said, change is something I crave, and sometimes the idea of completely changing who you are is so appealing to me. A blank page, a fresh start… Some days, it sounds like heaven. I could never actually abandon the life I’ve built for myself and the people in it, nut while I’m scrubbing the dye into my hair, I close my eyes and imagine exactly what that would be like.

And at the end of the day, I honestly believe that if your life is in need of a quick fixer-upper, or if you feel like you don’t like the person you see in the mirror anymore, the first and easiest step is to make that person look different. You hear people say “fake it ’til you make it”, and this is along those same lines. To make a change in your life, you have to start somewhere, and as superficial as it might sound, changing your mirror’s reflection is the best way to kick-start that change. Make the outside reflect what you want on the inside. Personify the type of life you want, and become the change.